I’ve been pantied.

On Saturday, we were toned for a box alarm at a public building downtown; coincidentally the same building where Santa was doing his thing.

I went out to the apparatus floor and started to get into my gear. My turnout pants and boots were in the compartment on the ambulance where I had placed them the night before after coming on shift.

I pulled my shears out of my EMT pants since they don’t really fit under my turnouts and stepped into my boots. The boots and pants are kept together as a unit; the firefighter steps into the boots and pulls up the pants.

I started to pull the pants up and found them to be tighter than usual. Looking down, I found that someone had put a pair of incontinence mesh pants over my turnouts and buttoned them into the suspenders. This must have taken some time; someone had to have stretched out the turnouts, put the pants over the turnouts, and then placed the turnout pants back down around the boots so the mesh pants didn’t show. I hadn’t noticed anything when I took the turnouts out of my locker and put them in the ambulance the night before.

Conveniently the shears were right on the floor next to me; I cut off the mesh pants in a jiffy and so was not forced to go on the call wearing them. As it turns out, the alarm was from a faulty smoke detector.

No one has taken credit. The person who was the target of the leaf incident claims it wasn’t him and that whatever he has planned is way more severe.

Speaking of the person who was the target of the leaf incident, the lieutenant who was the apparently-obvious perpetrator of the prank became very defensive. This person found someone who was driving by the department on the night in question and who apparently saw someone carrying a bag of leaves across the parking lot. This lieutenant won’t divulge his source other than to say that it is someone else in the department and that the apparent leaf-carrier was, well, me. The lieutenant, fearing the retribution of the leafed lieutenant, dropped the dime on me. I still haven’t directly admitted involvement but I suppose it’s an open secret at this point. Of course, I haven’t squealed on the other participants (if any).

I’ve told the rat lieutenant that it is in his best interests to tell me who the stoolie was.

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